I wrote briefly on my It’s a Balancing Act post about the importance of forgiving. I really wanted to take a bit more time to think about this basic, and frankly, cliche idea of forgiving people on a regular basis.
I have been in church all of my life. I have participated in and helped to lead programs for years and years. Forgiveness is something that you learn about in Sunday School. When Frankie steps on Sally’s doll and Sally screams at him, we encourage Sally to forgive Frankie and try to calm her down, while thinking something like “it’s just a silly toy.” Unfortunately, our motive for teaching forgiveness to children can unintentionally change from teaching good morals to simply a means to help the child “get over it.” The things that upset most kids seem like microscopic issues to adults.
Forgiveness is definitely not just for kids. And its definitely not something we should overlook in our own lives. Until recently, whenever I heard or read about forgiveness, I would tune out or skim past thinking that it didn’t pertain to me. “I don’t hold any unforgiveness.” “This has nothing to do with me.” “Yeah, yeah, let’s get to the good stuff.”
Once I got some upsetting news about some people I’m close to. There were things that were not in my control that I wished I could change. I knew that it wasn’t my business or my place to say anything or even to form an opinion, yet thoughts about the situation ruled my mind for months.
At the same time I was going through this, another blow came my way. Someone who wasn’t who they were supposed to be had taken advantage of me and several others. I was rightfully upset. My thoughts were consumed with questions and frustrations circling around this situation. It was going on for about a day before I thought to myself “I need to forgive them.” So I stopped what I was doing and bowed my head and forgave right then and there.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re admitting the other person was right. It means you are releasing them from the prison in your mind and letting God be the judge of them. If you don’t forgive, its kind of like saying that you can do a better job than God at being their judge. That you don’t trust God to judge them the way that they deserve.
After I chose to forgive this person I felt immediate relief. I knew that my thoughts were back under control. Where there had been questions and frustrations, I had peace of mind. Holding this unforgiveness didn’t hurt that other person, it had been hurting me! It wasn’t much later after this (I think it was later that same day) I realized I should forgive the people I first mentioned.
Even now, the thought that I had to forgive them seems so silly. They hadn’t done anything wrong, but I had them in that prison cell in my mind trying to decide if I thought they were wrong or not. By this time I knew that if I could be so relieved by releasing forgiveness toward the last person, I could set my mind free again by releasing forgiveness to the rest.
Wow. What a burden lifted! I’m so glad that I didn’t hold onto that any longer! Holding on to things that are completely out of your control is exhausting, and I’m sure its not too good for your health!
In ministry, one of the key questions that we ask people is if they are holding grudges or if there is any unforgiveness in their heart. A lot of times the answer is yes, even if they don’t say so or even think so right away. You could hardly believe the many kinds of issues that can be caused by unforgiveness.
So here’s what I’m really trying to say: Forgiveness is for everyone, not just kids. It’s not over simple things that people just need to “get over.” I know that forgiveness isn’t always as easy as I just described. Sometimes, you need to keep forgiving the same people for the same things every day. It’s like they keep jumping back into that prison cell and you have to keep releasing them! There is a man that stole from my family when I was a baby and he is still physically serving time for what he did. When I came to grips with the reality of the situation as I grew up, I had to release him from the prison in my mind through forgiveness.
Remember that when you forgive, you are not proclaiming “Not Guilty,” over them, but entrusting their judgement to the Faithful and True Judge!
If there is someone that you feel you need to forgive, you can pray something like this:
Heavenly Father, I forgive (person) for (what was done/said). I release them into your hands, because you are the Faithful and True Judge. Please forgive me for holding onto this offense. In Jesus’ name, amen.
I have been in church all of my life. I have participated in and helped to lead programs for years and years. Forgiveness is something that you learn about in Sunday School. When Frankie steps on Sally’s doll and Sally screams at him, we encourage Sally to forgive Frankie and try to calm her down, while thinking something like “it’s just a silly toy.” Unfortunately, our motive for teaching forgiveness to children can unintentionally change from teaching good morals to simply a means to help the child “get over it.” The things that upset most kids seem like microscopic issues to adults.
Forgiveness is definitely not just for kids. And its definitely not something we should overlook in our own lives. Until recently, whenever I heard or read about forgiveness, I would tune out or skim past thinking that it didn’t pertain to me. “I don’t hold any unforgiveness.” “This has nothing to do with me.” “Yeah, yeah, let’s get to the good stuff.”
Once I got some upsetting news about some people I’m close to. There were things that were not in my control that I wished I could change. I knew that it wasn’t my business or my place to say anything or even to form an opinion, yet thoughts about the situation ruled my mind for months.
At the same time I was going through this, another blow came my way. Someone who wasn’t who they were supposed to be had taken advantage of me and several others. I was rightfully upset. My thoughts were consumed with questions and frustrations circling around this situation. It was going on for about a day before I thought to myself “I need to forgive them.” So I stopped what I was doing and bowed my head and forgave right then and there.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re admitting the other person was right. It means you are releasing them from the prison in your mind and letting God be the judge of them. If you don’t forgive, its kind of like saying that you can do a better job than God at being their judge. That you don’t trust God to judge them the way that they deserve.
After I chose to forgive this person I felt immediate relief. I knew that my thoughts were back under control. Where there had been questions and frustrations, I had peace of mind. Holding this unforgiveness didn’t hurt that other person, it had been hurting me! It wasn’t much later after this (I think it was later that same day) I realized I should forgive the people I first mentioned.
Even now, the thought that I had to forgive them seems so silly. They hadn’t done anything wrong, but I had them in that prison cell in my mind trying to decide if I thought they were wrong or not. By this time I knew that if I could be so relieved by releasing forgiveness toward the last person, I could set my mind free again by releasing forgiveness to the rest.
Wow. What a burden lifted! I’m so glad that I didn’t hold onto that any longer! Holding on to things that are completely out of your control is exhausting, and I’m sure its not too good for your health!
In ministry, one of the key questions that we ask people is if they are holding grudges or if there is any unforgiveness in their heart. A lot of times the answer is yes, even if they don’t say so or even think so right away. You could hardly believe the many kinds of issues that can be caused by unforgiveness.
So here’s what I’m really trying to say: Forgiveness is for everyone, not just kids. It’s not over simple things that people just need to “get over.” I know that forgiveness isn’t always as easy as I just described. Sometimes, you need to keep forgiving the same people for the same things every day. It’s like they keep jumping back into that prison cell and you have to keep releasing them! There is a man that stole from my family when I was a baby and he is still physically serving time for what he did. When I came to grips with the reality of the situation as I grew up, I had to release him from the prison in my mind through forgiveness.
Remember that when you forgive, you are not proclaiming “Not Guilty,” over them, but entrusting their judgement to the Faithful and True Judge!
If there is someone that you feel you need to forgive, you can pray something like this:
Heavenly Father, I forgive (person) for (what was done/said). I release them into your hands, because you are the Faithful and True Judge. Please forgive me for holding onto this offense. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Photos courtesy of Sarah Jahnke Photography. Check out her page on Facebook here.